“I like my coffee iced and black, just like my heart.”

“I like my coffee iced and black, just like my heart.”

                I think it is safe to say we’ve seen many phrases just like this, and many times we think it is SO cute, and that it describes us perfectly. There’s constantly graphic tees with sayings like, “take a hike,” “do not disturb,” ”nope,” and many others that present people as being cold and unapproachable. We hate to be vulnerable and it almost seems that seeming to be emotionless is a good quality. I know that I am for sure guilty. I may not like my coffee black, but I do refer to my heart and black and cold many times. Maybe it’s a defense mechanism or maybe it’s my indirect way of trying to be funny.

                When did I get like this though? When did I think that being detached was the “in” way to act? I like to think sarcasm is great, but did it lead to me becoming more insensitive? Did my desire to make my friends laugh cause me to detach myself from them? Did going to college saying “I don’t care,” limit the amount of people I know? I know that my emotionless, “I don’t care,” brick wall, attitude didn’t get me anywhere. When I told my friends about my fears and dreams though, that did. I felt my friendship with them grow stronger. I didn’t feel the need to put a mask on to be around them.

                Being open and vulnerable to your friends builds strong relationships that are based on trust and love. I know telling friends things that I’ve kept to myself out of fear of being vulnerable actually led them to love me more and trust in me.  Being more open is definitely a conscious decision that you as a person have to make. Many of us have built up a brick wall, and can’t find a sledgehammer to break it down. The cool thing about trusting and being open with your friends, is that you don’t have to do it alone.

                People don’t want to be friends with someone who have no problems (that they say out loud). They want friends that are warm and inviting. People that don’t have a mask on 24/7, but rather show you who they are flaws and all. Many of us will continue to drift away from our friends because of fear of hurt and betrayal, but that’s life. You can’t let one bad experience, or five, ruin you.

                Life is all about your attitude. If you make it a negative one, most everything in your life will not be positive. A positive attitude on the other hand can lead to you enjoying situations you weren’t looking forward to, and ultimately to being happy. Which I think is safe to say what many of our life goals are.

                I’ll leave you with this. Take your coffee warm and sweet, and cherish the friends you have. Lean on them when things are hard. Let them love you through the good and bad. Be willing to listen to them, their concerns, and they will do the same with you. Be open, be loving, show emotion, and be happy.

                                                                XOXO,

                                                                     Darby